Every parent is a portfolio manager, constantly weighing investments. Do we invest in the short-term social dividend of a birthday party, or the long-term asset of a second language? For many parents, it’s a genuine weekly dilemma.

Flora, a monolingual parent, had a clear goal: she wanted her daughter, Lily, to be bilingual. She enrolled her in our Chinese classes, and Lily loved them. The plan was working.

Then, the social calendar struck.

At pickup, Flora confessed she felt guilty. The Chinese class kept clashing with playdates. Lily started feeling the dreaded FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Why was she the one missing the fun?

So, they started skipping Chinese for parties. The result was predictable: Lily fell behind, got frustrated, and eventually quit altogether.

Sound familiar? Of course it does.

As a parent, my heart goes out to Flora. The pressure is real. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: when we constantly reschedule learning for play, we aren’t solving a scheduling conflict. We are creating a value conflict.

We’re sending a crystal-clear message: Chinese is negotiable. Fitting in is not.

Our kids are brilliant at decoding these signals. If we treat the language class as the disposable item in their schedule, they will too. The outcome is pre-programmed: diminished effort, compromised results.

So, what’s the practical win-win? You can try:

• The Compromise: Cut the playdate short, but show up for the lesson.
• The Trade-Off: Double down on homework to cover the missed material (with your or the teacher’s help!).

But these are just tactical fixes. This dilemma begs a much deeper, more uncomfortable question:

Since when did our parenting goal become making our children indistinguishable from everyone else?

My friend has Pokémon cards, so I must. Everyone goes to a fancy resort, so we must. The whole class is at the party, so I must be there too.

We then turn around and tell them, “Just be yourself!” with a straight face.

No wonder they’re confused. We’re teaching them to follow the herd, then wondering why, as teenagers and adults, they struggle to voice a unique opinion, embrace an unconventional path, or tolerate the occasional lonely stand.

The world does not reward perfect conformists.

It rewards unique ideas. It begs for competitive advantage. Uniqueness fuels creativity and drives revolution. “Fitting in” is the exact opposite of a superpower.

By sticking to the Chinese lesson, you’re not just letting your children prioritising Mandarin. You’re teaching a far more valuable lesson: Commitment matters. Some goals require sacrifice. And being different—having a unique skill, a different schedule, a singular focus—is not just okay, it’s powerful.

That’s how you build a child who grows into an adult comfortable in their own skin, confident in their own choices.

So, the next time the party invite clashes with the lesson, take a deep breath. See it not as a problem, but as an opportunity.

Do the hard thing, but the right thing.